i don’t understand why i look for the flaws in the boys that are interested in me

right away, when they start to show interest, all i do is look for any possible flaw that could possibly make me feel uncomfortable

whether it’s a physical feature or a personality issue, a tone in his voice, anything

i find it, and then it bothers me to the point where it’s impossible for me to have feelings for that person

every single boy that likes me

i do this with

and i don’t want to, but it just happens and i try to ignore it but then it makes me physically sick to my stomach with doubt and stress and confusion and

i just hate having mixed feelings and having to second guess every potential boy that talks to me

i’m lonely but i do it to myself

the only boys i want are either impossible to find or impossible to get to

everything is complicated for me, it’s an internal issue that i don’t know how to fix, and everyone around me has it a lot easier than they think

i’m sick of it